Memorandum: To All Employee Runners

FOR:  All Employee Runners

Date:  May 6, 2013

EFFECTIVE : Immediately

DRESS CODE/PAY INCREASE:

1.  It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Newton Running Shoes and using a Garmin 910XT or a Soleus 3.0 GPS watch, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

SICK DAYS/ABSENCES

We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness/injury due to running. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

HOLIDAY DAYS

1.  Filing of vacation or emergency leave to rest for a couple of days prior or after your running a marathon/ultramarathon will no longer be accepted.

2.  Requesting to work under-time to attend a carbo-loading party,  press/bloggers race launch,  catch an out-of-town race or meeting with friends for a run prior to closing of office hours will no longer be allowed. Likewise, an employee who arrives a minute late will be considered absent that day.

Remember that each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

COMPASSIONATE LEAVE

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers who died because they were hit by a speeding truck while running or succumb to a heart attack while doing so. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangement.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

STRETCHING

Stretching your muscles, doing contortions on any part of your body and performing other forms of exhibitionism will no longer be tolerated in the office premises. Likewise, running up and down the stairs of our office building should be stopped immediately. Our building is not a track and field oval nor is it a vertical run route.

TOILET USE

1.  Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet after you leave the office specially when changing to your running attire when you go for a run. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2.  At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken whether you are caught with your shorts down or still fitting your jogging bras.

3.  After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.

4.  Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.

LUNCH BREAK

1. Skinny people (those who habitually run marathons or ultra marathons) get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2.  Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3.  Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink iced-green tea.

INTERNET ACCESS

1.  Access to internet sites will now be limited. If an employee is caught browsing running websites or blogs like Takbo.ph, Pinoy Fitness, i Run Far, Baldrunner, Runblogger, Running Shoes Guru, The Trail Running Blog, CoolRunning and most specially Jazzrunner–even on their personal laptops, tablets or cell-phones, they will be reprimanded for first offense and warned accordingly. Subsequent offenses will be suspension for up to a month, without salary.

2.  At any time an employee is caught uploading pictures or posting a status of his/her running exploits at Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, their employment will outright be terminated and all benefits due them will be forfeited!

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of equal opportunity and we are here to provide a positive employment experience that cares for your physical well-being and promotes an active and healthy lifestyle.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations and whinings about PRs, running shoes, diet, LSD training, marathons, ultras, CLPs, cross-fit training, trail running, running bras, loot bags, etc. should be directed elsewhere!

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Are You A True Runner?

Sure, you read the Bull Runner or the Front Runner Magazine and you own a pair of running shoes. You run a few times a week and probably have finished a couple of 5k and 10k races, but are you a true runner—or just a weekend warrior?  Take this quiz and find out.

  1. What would you call the thing the race organizer let you strap on your shoe laces before the start of a race? A. a Red Ribbon, B. a personalized tag; C. a D-tag
  2. Which of the following do you consider to be the greatest invention? A. the treadmill; B. sliced bread; C. the TV remote; D. the Garmin GPS watch.
  3. Do you own a piece of clothing that is made of Dri-fit material—and wear it in public?____Yes ____No
  4. Does your running schedule include trips to Corregidor Island, Tanay in Rizal, Cebu in the south or other provincial venues? ____Yes ____No
  5. Can you use terms like plantar fascitiis, tempo, carbo-loading and over-pronation in the course of a normal conversation? ____Yes ____No
  6. Do you know what PR and LSD stand for? ____Yes ____No
  7. Which of the following can be found in your book shelf? A. Runner’s World Magazine; B.What I Talk About When I talk about Running  ; C. War and Peace; D. Born To Run; E. All of the above except C.
  8. True of False: Black toenails are a normal part of life.
  9. Which of the following people can you identify? A. Steve Jobs; B. Haile Gebrselassie; C. Moammar Khadaffy; D. Jinoe Gavan; E. All of the above, but a little uncertain about A and D.
  10. When you hear the word “stability” is running shoes the first thought that pops into your head? ____Yes ____No
  11. Which of the following is your favorite food? A. Jollibee Burger with fries; B. Pork Steak; C. Gourmet quail eggs; D. Spaghetti with meatballs.
  12. Complete the following sentence: The Jazzrunner is… A. A runner who plays jazz saxophone while running; B. A jazz enthusiast who sells illegal drugs to runners; C. A blogger who loves to run and listen to jazz music.
  13. The real purpose for MMDA street toilets is: A. Street beautification ; B. Hang-out for drivers; C. For use of male runners who want to relieve themselves during training on the roads; D. To honor Bayani Fernando.
  14. Which of the following would you like to see a quick cure for? A. Baldness; B. Illiotibial Band Syndrome; C. Under-arm odor.
  15. Complete the following sentence: Other than for running, I have worn running shoes… A. To the office; B. To Church; C. To the gym; D. All of the above.
  16. True or False: You can enumerate all your current PRs of your 5k, 10k, 15k, 21k and marathon races plus the site, month and year of each—but you forget anniversaries and birthdays.
  17. Your idea of a long run is:  A. to the convenience store and back; B. One round around UP’s academic oval; C. Two rounds around Bonifacio High Street D. Anything over 16kms.
  18. Have you ever used the term “fart-lek” to a newbie runner and then get a response from her asking if that’s how to fart discreetly while running? ____Yes ____No
  19. In a social gathering, which of the following topics do you tend to discuss most frequently? A.Ways to cut your credit card spending; B. When your next race will be. C. Who you un-friended on your Facebook account lately;
  20. The greatest accomplishment of your life is: A. Finishing a marathon; B. Having Paris Hilton follow you on Twitter; C. Purchasing your first 2nd hand car; D. Getting a degree in Physiotherapy.

Now for the scoring: Give yourself two (2) points for each of the following responses:

  1. C
  2. D
  3. Yes
  4. Yes
  5. Of course
  6. Absolutely
  7. E
  8. True
  9. E
  10. Indeed
  11. D
  12. C
  13. C
  14. B
  15. D
  16. True
  17. D
  18. Yes
  19. B
  20. A

If you scored fewer than 25 points, you are not a true runner but you can bike with Pres. Noy. If you scored 25 to 40 points, you are a true runner. If you scored more than 40 points, you’re a true runner—but you need help!

Resolutions Of A Running Addict

If you’re one confirmed running addict, there is hope…

  • To enter a rehabilitation center for a minimum of 12 months as a treatment to my running addiction.
  • To abstain from running for another 12 months after my rehab.
  • To undergo detoxification by sniffing all the insoles of all running shoes i used during the term of my addiction as doctors prescribed.
  • To join a “run-aholic anonymous” and attend all meetings of recovering running addicts. While at it, will express the bad experiences with joining running groups like the U.P. Heartbreakers aNR Group and warn them about the evil effects and addiction it has brought to me and many runners.
  • To abstain from taking Vitamns C, E, B-Complex, Oktane or any other multi-vitamins and avoid at all cost other multi-sports activities like swimming, cycling, weight training, plyometrics, Barre3, Bikram, zumba and other exotic-sounding exercises which contributed to my long-term addiction to running.
  • And most importantly, to run barefoot in a 100 km-race in 2012 to neutralize the effects of the withdrawal symptoms or if the above does not cure my addiction after my time at the rehab.

Running And Sex!

I always get a good laugh whenever distance running is compared to sex. Indeed, there are similarities as i remember a short article published at RW way back that compares these two strange bedfellows:

  • You don’t want to peak too soon
  • Endurance is more important than speed
  • Even-pacing is crucial. Fartleks are discouraged
  • The more you speed-up, the more labored your breathing will be
  • Rest is required between repetitions
  • Warming up is desirable before plunging into action
  • Have to deal with performance anxiety
  • You eat whatever you want during long hauls
  • You’re reaching the climax when you see the finish line
  • It’s hard to achieve negative splits (Can you?)

Owws…:-)

Running Songs And Their Interpretations

With the words “RUN” or “RUNNING” in the titles of their songs, i wonder what inspired them to sing or write these tunes. So i’m going to venture a guess and make my own interpretations on what these singers were singing about:

1.  “RUN IT” – Chris Brown

It may be the only option Chris has every time he’s confronted by long, continuous steep hills.

2.  “RUN RABBIT RUN” – Eminem

The well-known rapper had probably hired a pacer who couldn’t keep up with him in the last 3kms of his first 10k race.

3.  “RUNAWAY LOVE” – Ludacris

He probably caught up with his crush in a race and decided to stick with her but the girl decides to pick up the pace and the hapless dude couldn’t respond and is left way behind.

4.  “BAND ON THE RUN” – The Wings

They’re the usual band of Kenyans entered in all categories of a race and as always, sweeps all the cash prizes leaving the locals with nothing.

5.  “WHERE ARE WE RUNNING?” – Lenny Kravitz

Kravits laments the absence of race markers and marshals and is undecided whether to turn left or right…

6.  “RUNNING FREE” – Iron Maiden

An aside to the press people and running bloggers who often gets complimentary race packets!

7.  “BEER RUN” – Garth Brooks with George Jones

Garth and George decides to drop-out of a 3k race so they could have 2 bottles at the store instead. Paging Doc T and Jet!

8.  “RUN THIS TOWN” – Jay Z with Rihanna and Kanye West

The trio found the isolated town teeming with stray dogs in the streets so they run the trails instead.

9.  “RUNNING DRY” – Neil Young

Neil admits his partiality for dri-fit shirts.

10. “I’M NOT RUNNING ANYMORE” – John Mellencamp

He may have got injured with plantar fasciitis, itbs, shin splints, achilles tendinitis and sciatica all at the same time!

Have a nice day running!:-)

Planning To Marry A Runner?

So, you are a non-runner and are about to get married to a runner. Here’s a few pre-nuptial words of wisdom:

  1. Don’t expect him to be beside you in bed the moment you wake up in the morning. The early morning run is part of his ritual. You have to brush your hair and apply some make-up before going to work or the results are unpleasant. Same with a runner.
  2. He may be in a bad mood, grouchy or irritable when he heads out the door for a run. However, expect him to be sober or most likely happy and refreshed after he comes back. You may find yourself wishing that your spouse would go out on a run every time he feels grouchy.
  3. Runners are mostly collectors of running mementos. Expect her to accumulate race singlets and T-shirts than she’ll ever need and purchase new pairs of running shoes without discarding her old ones. However, if you donate these items to charity or give them away to your relatives without asking permission, there will be trouble!
  4. There will be pay-days when your spouse goes home and hands you his salary envelope and you notice the money short on what he usually hands you. This may be because he has paid some registration fees to enter some races or worst, he has purchased another pair of new running shoes! Expect the usual excuses, “at least i didn’t spend it for a GRO’s drinks or going on a night-out with friends.”
  5. If you’re attending a social function made up of runners, take a good book with you or bring your cellfone with built-in games to play with or seek out others who are non-runners like you.
  6. I hope you like pasta.
  7. Even though your spouse can run a sub-Piolo (47 mins) 10k, race day is at least 4 hours long. Expect on arriving 1 hour before the start, allow an hour for the race itself and 2 more hours for post race activities. Two hours? Yes, because you line up for the race freebies, you line up half-kilometer for a half-slice of Nature Valley bar, another half-kilometer for your picture to be taken by the official photographer and the endless picture taking with your running buddies, running team, with the Emcees, with the Showbiz people and additional photos for wacky poses! When running spouse finally decides to leave and invites you over at McDonald’s for breakfast, expect to find many more of his running friends inside and add an additional hour of stay there.
  8. If you’re used to hearing mass in the morning of a Sunday and expect him to be home on time from the races so you can hear mass together, forget it for reasons #7. Just schedule all activities in the afternoon.
  9. If you have spare time, enroll in a 2-week REFLEXOLOGY class as there will be times when spouse will ask you to knead and massage his aching muscles and sore heels. You will be able to save money from his regular massage at the Spa and you will be in his good graces forever!
  10. Never, ever say the word “Quit”, “that’s enough, we can take a cab” or “just walk if you can’t run anymore” during a race, specially in a 5k or 10k race. Be warned that runners do not take kindly to coaching tips or advices from non-running spouses specially on short distance races. The more you tell him to walk, the more he’ll run, no matter what.
  11. It’s inevitable that your spouse will encourage you to take up running. Eventually, you might even surpass his PRs in all distances, from the 5k to the 100 miler BDM. Don’t hold back thinking that you might hurt his ego. On the contrary, he’s going to be very proud of you.

Now, you’ll know why the man or woman you love loves running!

Believe It Or Not

The other night in our back yard, i was piling up old carton boxes containing discarded garments, old books, documents and other papers to protect them from the rains that is now a nightly occurence here in Manila. While sifting through the contents of one box which was already wet at the bottom, i found a very old clipping of an article on running which i had inadvertently forgotten about.

The 1994 article, written by runner-author J. Henderson dealt with the many facets of the sport–the truisms of running that we live and breathe within our world of running.

Here are some facts and truths that reveal themselves to anyone who has run long enough. I’ve adjusted some of the ideas to conform to our local setting:

—  The hardest step of any run is the first one out the door.

...grrrr, can we run now?

—  You may already know how a run will go during the first few steps of your run.

—  The real running begins after a half-hour warmup, and the run starts to seem like a second job after an hour.

—  Runners round off times down and round distances up.

—  If you aren’t scared before a race, you should worry that you aren’t ready.

"Who says i'm scared?"

—  You never make up running downhill what you lose going uphill; same with tailwinds and headwinds.

—  Even if you believe in Gallowalking (walking breaks) you’re embarrassed to be seen taking them.

Makapal 'tong mga to!

—  You can’t run past a store window without sneaking a peek at yourself.

—  A “jogger” is someone who runs slower than you do.

I'm not a jogger, noh!

—  Fitness is a stage you pass through on the way to becoming a “real runner,” who no longer settles for merely staying fit.

—  Drivers don’t see runners smile because we’re too busy concentrating on not getting run over.

Hahaha, you just ran over my foot, hahaha!

—  Your “perfect shoe” will go off the market before you can buy another of the same pair.

—  Sports drinks and energy gels taste good only when you need them most.

—  Most running injuries aren’t accidental, but self-inflicted.

—  Most injuries will respond to the treatment you least want to use: time off from running.

—  Racing a distance longer than the marathon on a hard surface at a fast pace is an unnatural act, but that never stopped anyone from doing it.

100 Mile Ultra. Let's do it!

—  Time doesn’t pass at a constant rate; the harder the run, the longer a minute lasts.

—  In mega races, you’ll never find a portalet without a line in front of it; in small races, you’ll never find any line because there are no portalets.

Next!

—  No matter how fast you run your race, someone somewhere will always be faster.

—  No matter how slow you go in this race, someone will almost always be slower; it’s nearly impossible to finish last no matter how hard you try.

—  “Official” times are rarely accurate, which is why you start your own watch when you cross the starting line.

—  Racers don’t feel worst at the end, but during 2/3 of the race, when start and finish both seem so far away.

Are we there yet?

—  Late in the race, it’s more fun to pass than to be passed–another reason to start slowly.

—  Your fastest races feel the easiest, because you trained for and paced them best.

—  Most award ceremonies last longer than the race they’re celebrating.

—  You aren’t ready to run another race until you forget how bad the last one felt.

—  If your mother says you look great, it means you’re overweight.

Not!

—  The older you get, the farther you once ran and the faster you once were.

—  If you’d known when you were younger what you know now, you would have made different mistakes.

—  The quality of local races remains the same; the only change it has made is increase its entry fees.

Believe It Or Not!